What does it mean to floss?

Illustration by author.

Many years later, as I faced the oral surgeon, I was to remember that distant afternoon when my father took me to discover floss. At that time the pharmacy was a store of three aisles, built along a glistening river where fluoride flowed, crystallized, and shone like the edges of…


Dear Expert on Brains

Illustration by author / Photo by Fakurian Design on Unsplash

Dear Expert on Brains,

I know it’s been awhile, but you just popped into my, well, brain, and I thought I’d say hello to catch up!

A couple years ago, while experiencing ongoing symptoms following a brain injury, I was advised to consult you, a specialist. …


Humor

Somehow I’m the reason Jason cheated on you?

Photo by Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash

I’ve stayed quiet for awhile, but it’s time to break my 4.5 billion year silence to say that Earthlings need to stop holding me responsible for their fucking problems.

Look, I’ll take blame for the ocean waves. My gravitational pull is the inspiration for movies including the 2019 Zombie Tidal…


An interview with fellow disabled comedians.

Brooke Knisley, John Nagle, and Jenny Cavallero (left to right). Illustration by Kate Anderson.

I’d just sung some Gloria Gaynor tunes and jumped on a couch during a comedy improv show when another performer’s leg accidentally flung towards my head from stage right. Instead of laughs, I got a traumatic brain injury (TBI).

Hilarious? Tragic? Both?

The most painful improv night I’d experienced before…


The stars don’t lie!

Illustration by Kate Anderson

Valentine’s Season is upon us, and you know what that means: Clearing out countless marketing emails in your inbox, like every other day. Except this time, there’ll be extra hearts and sexy, erotic messaging to boot!

Read on to see what Cupid and the cosmos have lined up for you…


Do NOT fuck this up.

Image Copyright: Hallmark Channel. (Fair Use)

I’ve been in the Hallmark movie costume design industry for quite some time. Everyone keeps asking me what makes the perfect holiday costumes, so I’m here to help out you newcomers to the field with these insights:

You heard me. Red and green and no in between. It’s Christmastime and…


Why do you feel like you’re living in a police-state dystopia?

Illustration by Kate Anderson

The U.S. Department of Energy’s National Nuclear Security Administration (DOE/NNSA) will conduct low-altitude helicopter flights over downtown Washington, D.C. and areas in and around the Nation’s capital beginning on October 19 in preparation for the Presidential Inauguration….

NNSA’s Nuclear Emergency Support Team (NEST) aircraft will measure naturally occurring background radiation…


We cover zero percent of ALL of your health expenses!

Image via Pixabay

Are you tired of all those pesky copay calculations and hidden fees in your health insurance plan? Well, now you can throw away that calculator. Complicated premiums and out-of-network what?! Here at ZERO, we offer you the bare-bones, simple truth upfront: You get zero coverage. No matter what!

We know…


An Emotional Litmus Test For An Electoral Hellscape

Photo by Atul Choudhary from Pexels
  1. Are you registered to vote?

a) Yes! Yay democracy!

b) Yes, but I’m worried my vote won’t arrive or count and I can’t sleep at night hahahaha!

c) Is that what that piece of paper lying on the floor is?

2. Did you watch the Democratic National Convention?

a) Every…


Your 1,000-piece puzzle “The Smurfs Do The Last Supper” is on its way!

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

Dear Mark,

Thank you for your purchase of “Jane Austen Surrounded By Ostriches” 10,000 piece puzzle. We apologize for the missing piece.

The jigsaw market has of course grown significantly due to the pandemic, which has caused missed pieces in cases like yours. …

Kate Anderson

DC-based writer and comedian. More info at kateandersonjokes.com. Insta and Twitter: @kateabbreviated

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