Humor

Somehow I’m the reason Jason cheated on you?

Photo by Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash

I’ve stayed quiet for awhile, but it’s time to break my 4.5 billion year silence to say that Earthlings need to stop holding me responsible for their fucking problems.


An interview with fellow disabled comedians.

Brooke Knisley, John Nagle, and Jenny Cavallero (left to right). Illustration by Kate Anderson.

I’d just sung some Gloria Gaynor tunes and jumped on a couch during a comedy improv show when another performer’s leg accidentally flung towards my head from stage right. Instead of laughs, I got a traumatic brain injury (TBI).


The stars don’t lie!

Illustration by Kate Anderson

Valentine’s Season is upon us, and you know what that means: Clearing out countless marketing emails in your inbox, like every other day. Except this time, there’ll be extra hearts and sexy, erotic messaging to boot!

Aries

Ooh là là, did somebody forget to click unsubscribe? Looks like your card store is trying to sell you HOT new Valentine’s stationary. …


Do NOT fuck this up.

Image Copyright: Hallmark Channel. (Fair Use)

I’ve been in the Hallmark movie costume design industry for quite some time. Everyone keeps asking me what makes the perfect holiday costumes, so I’m here to help out you newcomers to the field with these insights:

Red and Green

You heard me. Red and green and no in between. It’s Christmastime and we’re not fucking around with any oranges or purples. While you’re at it, throw away your Pantone swatches, because we’re only dealing with primary colors here- the red and green you drew with crayons in elementary school. You gotta give the people that festive holiday cheer, with color! …


Why do you feel like you’re living in a police-state dystopia?

Illustration by Kate Anderson

The U.S. Department of Energy’s National Nuclear Security Administration (DOE/NNSA) will conduct low-altitude helicopter flights over downtown Washington, D.C. and areas in and around the Nation’s capital beginning on October 19 in preparation for the Presidential Inauguration….


We cover zero percent of ALL of your health expenses!

Image via Pixabay

A Simple Plan You Can Understand

Are you tired of all those pesky copay calculations and hidden fees in your health insurance plan? Well, now you can throw away that calculator. Complicated premiums and out-of-network what?! Here at ZERO, we offer you the bare-bones, simple truth upfront: You get zero coverage. No matter what!

Included With Every ZERO Plan

Pre-existing conditions? A life-threatening accident? Covid, cancer, or chlamydia? It doesn’t matter…


An Emotional Litmus Test For An Electoral Hellscape

Photo by Atul Choudhary from Pexels
  1. Are you registered to vote?

a) Yes! Yay democracy!


Your 1,000-piece puzzle “The Smurfs Do The Last Supper” is on its way!

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

Dear Mark,


This virus is not a joke, but neither are these split ends

Photo by Kuroko Ukou on Unsplash

May 15

“Olga, did you miss my texts and voicemails over the past few months? I’m eager for you to stop by the apartment to do my hair. My roots are growing in! By the by, Tad tested positive for COVID. COVID-19. And he’s being charged with insider trading. What a week! But you mustn’t worry, we have good lawyers. Also, Tad can stay in the parlor while you’re here, since you mentioned you and your children having asthma. I’ll double my rate!”

May 18

“Olga, did you lose your phone? I’ll buy you a new one. I need you immediately. …


Make a Statement With These Spring Fashion Trends

Chanel and other designer labels have stepped in…

Kate Anderson

DC-based writer and comedian. More info at kateandersonjokes.com. Insta and Twitter: @kateabbreviated

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